~A triple-dog dare~

This is another old one from my private page. I was not going to post it publicly because it's dumb, but I was tripledog-dared. And I rarely pass up a tripledog-dare. It's a wonder I haven't shot my eye out yet. I DID stick my tongue to the end of a frozen orange juice can when I was a kid once and got stuck though. It hurt, too.
~~~~~~

I told at least three or four of ya'll something I wanted for Christmas, but I don't remember who. Since I can't remember who exactly I told and can't go back and say 'oops', I'm just going to tell all of ya'll in case there's someone besides me that doesn't already know about this. However, by the looks of my research, I think I MUST BE the only person that didn't know this.

I told my sister last night same thing I've told a few people. My sister has been TORTURING ME about what she got me for Christmas. And I have guessed EVERYTHING I can think of. I said 'Is it a banana hammock?"

My sister was like "WHAT???? You dummy! Do you even KNOW what a banana hammock is???" I said, 'Uh, Yeah. It's a hammock for your bananas. I've wanted one forever."

"OMG, Jayme." Then I could hear her calling her hubby away from the Bears/Packers showdown. "Bobbbb! Do you know what this fool just said she wants for Christmas? A banana hamock." I didn't see what was so funny. Bob was a chef and is all OCD about his kitchen so I figured he'd say "I'd like one of those, too." Instead, I heard him in the background say "Well, my Lord," and start laughing.

I googled and searched on my most favorite online dictionary, and I'm posting what I found.

First, though, this is the banana hammock I want:



Ain't it cute??? I want a real hammock, too, then I saw the following pic, and I wish my sofa was a hammock:



Anyhoo, I want a banana hammock because I never have anywhere to put my bananas, and they are my most favorite fruit.

And this is what I found along the lines of my sister's claims on my fav dictionary site:

~A man's speedo swimsuit.

"Look at all of the banana hammocks in Fort Lauderdale. "


~A men's style of undergarment that holds the genitalia in a sling-like hammock apparatus, allowing the ******* to protrude offensively. Favored by greasy Europeans at the beach, and even greasier weightlifters during competition and posedown sessions.

"When I was swimming at the Y the other day, this hairy Italian hedgehog was hanging out at the pool all day showing off his silky red banana hammock."

"Joe: This banana hammock's crushing my hardyboys. It's no mystery."

"This banana hammock is chafing my butt cheeks"

"I think I'll wear a banana hammock instead of boxers today."

"I have to lose the winter tire, so my banana hammock still fits."


~A phrase used between guys to tell one another to check out one girl or another
"Hey, Vince... banana hammock at 5 o'clock."

~An athletic supporter. A jock strap. Very common since at least the 1950s.

"What are you giving your husband for his birthday Jane?"
"I thought I'd get him a new banana hammock, Mavis."

~Come & listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed~

“She tried to hide it by the faded denim clothes she wore
But I knew she'd never been inside a bar before”





My mother always says she's 'never been to a honky tonk and wants to go just once.' We've tried to take her several times, but she always goes 'NOOO! What if someone sees me there?!?' A friend, rest his soul, used to say "Baptists are the friendliest people in the world, except when they see each other in the liquor store." Haa. I think that's funny, and I love my Baptists...I'm a Baptist, and I understand the truth in that lil saying....I fight my spiritual battles and have remembered my church covenant every time I've ever taken a sip.
My mother, though she’s never graced the doors of a bar, is the root of my classic country passion. Her favorite is Marty Robbins’ In the Misty Moonlight (their song) and anything Conway Twitty. She has told me of the time dad took her to one of his concerts, and as he finished singing one of MY personal Conway Twitty favorites “Don’t Cry, Joni”, a woman stood up in the back and screamed, “Serves ya right!” I realize you may have to google the song to see why that’s so funny.
Conway Twitty, by the way, was born Harold Lloyd Jenkins in Mississippi. When he was 10 years old, his family moved to Helena, Arkansas, and it was there he grew and later formed his first singing group, The Phillips County Ramblers. Within two years, he had his own radio show and was offered to play baseball with the Philadelphia Phillies, but an Army draft ended that dream. Following his discharge from the Army, he headed to Memphis, Tenn., and worked with Sam Phillips at Sun Studios, the home of greats like Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Cash. However, he didn’t think he name was marketable, so in 1957, he was looking at a road map and noticed Conway, Arkansas, and Twitty, Texas. Just so ya know...





~~~~~~~~~~





“Ya’ll come see us now, ya hear?”





The other day, I took my daddy to town for dinner and shopping. In the car, my daddy couldn't see the stereo panel very well, and he was really trying to find me some good music, so he bounced from cd 1 to am to cd 4 to fm to cd 2. Just as I could tell he was getting frustrated and I was feeling bad about that, a few notes played on cd 5. "OH! I love this one! You'll like it!," he said excitedly and turned up the volume. I was disappointed a little that it wasn‘t “Rainy Day Woman” by Waylon Jennings, which I know for a fact is Number One on CD 4 in their car. "It's Jed Clampit," he said. He was right...I did enjoy it.
Now, I don’t know if that’s his birth name or if he just had a fondness for the Beverly Hillbillies, but Jed Clampit is a Monticello-rooted musician who used to be friends with my dad and stop by the shop when I was little to see him in between his road trips. I couldn't have been more than 8 the first time I met him and was certain he was the long-haired guy from the Oak Ridge Boys, whose songs I lip-synced often back then. By the time I saw him again a few years later, I confused him with the ZZTop guy.
One of the few cars, trucks, buses, vans, 18-wheelers, or delivery trailers that I actually specifically remember of the thousands that went in out of our bays...the thousands I crawled around, sanded, leaned and turned ratchets on all the time throughout my childhood and first half of my adulthood... was Mr. Jed’s big ol’ tour bus that my dad painted. During racing season, I get to glance at it each Saturday as I speed down the highway south of Monticello towards the dirt track.
My dad and I ran his errands with Mr. Jed singing beautiful gospel songs all the way; I dropped my dad off, came home and logged onto myspace. My friend Randy (who I think we should start calling Rob hahaha) had an update…he had just became friends with JED CLAMPIT. I was stunned! I was shocked Mr. Jed had a page, but more shocked I HAD JUST BEEN LISTENING TO HIS MUSIC, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. Perhaps Randy has some kind of cosmic connection to my dad, because he worked for years with my daddy’s family at Radio Shack/Strykers, and my dad always thought he was ‘a good kid.’
I added Jed Clampit and sent him a note with the request…”OMGoSH, Mr. Jed! This is Big Ben’s youngest daughter and I took him to town tonight and we were listening to YOUR songs!” I have not seen this man since before I was in junior high, and I was just shocked.
He emailed back and said, “Tell Big Ben hi,“ and said he plays at the River on Wednesday nights. So THAT’S why Randy the Robber had added him…
I called my Daddy and told him, and he’s really excited about it. My mom has shingles this week, so if she’s better next week, I’ma take her to the place which has a bar. She could possibly kick, scream and pray all the way there, but I'ma do it anyways.
My daddy’s the best Baptist deacon I know, and my mom is, if nothing else, the funniest deacon‘s wife you‘ll ever meet. So, Mr. Jed (and Randy), I’m taking my mom to fulfill her sinful dream and my daddy to visit you. There’s either gonna be a reunion or a revival….maybe both.

www.myspace.com/jedclampitmusic

~I'm here, there, everywhere...~

I saw a thing a few weeks ago on my friend Dean's blog, but now I can't find it anywhere. It had to do with live feeds, and putting all your pages in one location, or something to that effect.
What I need is a page that I can check everything from, including yahoo, myspace, facebook, twitter, my blog, and a few other websites i go to often, such as the pine bluff commercial and monticellolive (woop woop joe...i just gave ya a shoutout!).

IS there something like this that exists, and where do I find it?