I'm being incredibly nostalgic over my family these past few days, and last night I yearned for my grandmother Kathryn to wipe my tears and make the chaos go away. I missed her the way I did when I was a young girl, weeks after she lost her battle with cancer. I even posted a facebook status, mentioning my grandmother. I had wished that she could help us have a relationship w/my nephew/adopted brother. I said a prayer & went to bed.
Tonight, I was looking at a lady's photos on Facebook, and commented 'you have gma's hairstyle' in a prom pic. I knew she was related to us, but I couldn't remember exactly how. I thought she had lived in California and only moved here when I was a kid. The point is, I was still missing my grandma and that pic reminded me of her...
I buzzed the lady in instant messenger, and what I discovered was that she is much closer related to me than I had realized....before I knew it, I was hearing stories about my great-gma/pepaw, my aunts and uncles....this lady had grown up down in Collins with all of my daddy's family! She's as much one of them as my grandmother is!
My heart just felt happier. After all these years of grandma being gone, the very days I'm oddly missing her, I find a treasure chest of memories with my...as I NOW know her lol....second cousin and farmtown helper on Facebook.
The BEST part, though....
I was sad and wanting my grandma (as a little girl would lol), because I wanted to see my nephew. I want to see him and hug him, and I want my sister to be able to, even more than me. That suggestion was IMPOSSIBLE 24 hours ago. The crazy thing...Just a few minutes after I heard grandma stories on facebook, my sister called crying....we get to see him tomorrow! We don't know why, or how, just that we get to see him!!
I'm so happy! I feel like my grandma is right here beside me tonite. :)
Having a great time in Hot Springs! We've toured the historical places, tried lots of new cuisines (I never thought I'd eat squid or alligator, but both ended up being quite tasty!), relaxed in spas, and showed the kids a great time before school starts.
We've been here most of the week for the Arkansas Timber Producers Association annual convention, and I'm so glad the Tigercat exhibit has been a huge success. Congrats to my hubby for doing such a great job putting it all together!
I have had so much fun and have enjoyed being here with friends such as Daryl & Kelsey Windham, Sam Dennison, Jonathan Davis, Todd Abbott, Tommy Barnes, and lots of other Tigercat families, as well as seeing local friends such as Mike Pennington, Lynn & Joe Frost and D.H. Forrest.
I'm so proud of my hubby and the great job he does....Chris and logging go together like fish and water. :)
I've gotten several messages today, from people I can honestly say that I don't even know, from this blog & facebook. I had no idea it would generate such interest.
I have alot more information, and people are asking for it, so it'll actually be more than two parts, I suppose.
Today's writings are particularly important to me, and quite therapeutic to my heart in a time where I'm forced to separate myself from family members to protect my daughter from constant drama. All these things have happened to me and other loved ones so many times that I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read it.
If I can't fix my family, maybe I can fix someone else's, so read this. ;)
People with attention-seeking personality disorder (Jekyl/Hyde personality) is often referred to as serial bullies, perhaps one of the most dangerous and abusive personalities in existence, due to repeated torture of numerous victims, most likely for years, even decades.
The serial bully is an adult on the outside but a child on the inside; he
or she is like a child who has never grown up. One suspects that the bully
is emotionally retarded and has a level of emotional development equivalent
to a five-year-old, or less. The bully wants to enjoy the benefits of
living in the adult world, but is unable and unwilling to accept the
responsibilities that go with enjoying the benefits of the adult world. In
short, the bully has never learnt to accept responsibility for their
When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, the bully
a) denies everything.
§ Variations include Trivialization ("This is so trivial it's not worth talking about...")
§ the Fresh Start tactic ("I don't know why you're so intent on dwelling on the past"
§ "Look, what's past is past, I'll overlook your behaviour and we'll start afresh")
this is an abdication of responsibility by the bully and an attempt to divert and distract attention by using false conciliation. Imagine if this line of defense were available to all criminals ("Look I know I've just murdered 12 people but that's all in the past, we can't change the past, let's put it behind us, concentrate on the future so we can all get on with our lives" - this would do wonders for prison overcrowding).
b) quickly and seamlessly follows the denial with an aggressive counter-attack of counter-criticism or counter-allegation, often based on distortion or fabrication. Lying, deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. The purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for their behavior. Often the target is tempted - or coerced - into giving another long explanation to prove the bully's allegation false; by the time the explanation is complete, everybody has forgotten the original question.
Both a) and b) are delivered with aggression in the guise of
assertiveness; in fact there is no assertiveness (which is about
recognizing and respecting the rights of oneself and others) at all. Note
that explanation - of the original question - is conspicuous by its
In the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being
insufficient, the bully feigns victim hood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle.
Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah..." and "I'm the one who always has to...î "You think you're having a hard time... "I'm the one being bullied...").
Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece.
Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress". Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy.
By using this response, the bully is able to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for what they have said or done. It is a pattern of behavior learnt by about the age of 3; most children learn or are taught to grow out of this, but some are not and by adulthood, this avoidance technique has been practiced to perfection.
A further advantage of the denial/counter-attack/feigning victim hood strategy is that it acts as a provocation. The target, who may have taken months to reach this stage, sees their tormentor getting away with it and is provoked into an angry and emotional outburst after which the bully says simply "There, I told you s/he was like that". Anger is one of the mechanisms by which bullies (and all abusers) control their targets. By tapping in to and obtaining an inappropriate release of pent-up anger the bully plays their masterstroke and casts their victim as villain.
When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, mature adults do not respond by bursting into tears. If you're dealing with a serial bully who has just exhibited this avoidance tactic, sit passively and draw attention to the pattern of behavior they've just exhibited, and then the purpose of the tactic. Then ask for an answer to the question.
Bullies also rely on the denial of others and the fact that when their target reports the abuse they will be disbelieved ("are your sure this is really going on? "I find it hard to believe - are you sure you're not imagining it?"). Frequently targets are asked why they didn't report the abuse before, and they will usually reply "because I didn't think anyone would believe me." Sadly they are often right in this assessment. Because of the Jekyll & Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and plausibility, no one can - or wants - to believe it.
Denial features in most cases of sexual assault, as in the case of Paul Hickson, the UK Olympic swimming coach who sexually assaulted and raped teenage girls in his care over a period of 20 years or more. When his victims were asked why they didn't report the abuse, most replied, "Because I didn't think anyone would believe me". Abusers confidently, indeed arrogantly, rely on this belief, often aggressively inculcating (instilling) the belief ("No-one will ever believe you") just after the sexual assault when their victim is in a distressed state. Targets of bullying in the workplace often come up against the same attitudes by management when they report a bullying colleague. In a workplace environment, the bully usually recruits one or two colleagues who will back up the bully's denial when called to account.
Serial bullies harbor a particular hatred of anyone who can articulate their behavior profile, either verbally or in writing in a manner which helps other people see through their deception and their mask of deceit.
The usual instinctive response is to launch a bitter personal attack on the person's credentials, lack of qualifications, and right to talk about personality disorders, psychopathic personality etc, whilst preserving their right to talk about anything they choose - all the while adding nothing to the debate themselves.
Serial bullies hate to see themselves and their behavior reflected as if they are looking into a mirror.
Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviors etc on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and
divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is
achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realize this,
every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is
actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be
used to perceive the bully's own misdemeanors; for instance, when the
allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the
bully has committed these acts; when the bully makes an allegation of abuse
(such allegations tend to be vague and non-specific), it is likely to be
the bully who has committed the abuse. When the bully makes allegations of,
say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the bully who is a coward or
has a negative attitude.
In these circumstances, the bully has to understand that if specious and
insubstantive allegations are made, the bully will also be investigated.
When the symptoms of psychiatric injury become apparent to others, most
bullies will play the Mental Health Trap, claiming their target is
"mentally ill" or "mentally unstable" or has a "mental health problem". It
is more likely that this allegation is a projection of the bully's own
mental health problems. If this trap is being used on you, assert
"projection" as a defense against disciplinary action or as part of your
It is a key identifying feature of a person with a personality disorder or
psychopathic personality that, when called to account, they will accuse the
person who is unmasking them of being the one with the personality disorder
or psychopathic personality from which they (the bully) suffer.
Most serial bullies have unhappy and unsatisfactory private lives that are
characterized by a string of broken relationships. If you are the current
target of a serial bully and taking legal action, a little digging into the
bully's past, including their personal life, will usually unearth some
unsavoury facts that the bully would prefer not to be made public. In some
cases, serial bullies have been found to have criminal convictions for
fraud, or to have been compelled to attend therapy or counseling for their
habit of compulsive lying, or they might have a record of domestic
violence. Under normal circumstances making these facts part of the
proceedings might be considered unethical; however, if you're the target of
a serial bully, the circumstances are not normal.
Validity of testimony
Because of the serial bully's Jekyll and Hyde nature, compulsive lying,
charm and plausibility, the validity of this person's testimony cannot be
relied on in disciplinary proceedings, appeal hearings, and under oath at
tribunal and in court. Emphasize this when taking action.
Mediation with this type of individual is inappropriate. Serial bullies
regard mediation (and arbitration, conciliation, negotiation etc) as
appeasement, which they ruthlessly exploit; it allows them to give the
impression in public that they are negotiating and being conciliatory,
whilst in private they continue the bullying. The lesson of the twentieth
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work/taking care of their families, and from stable relationships. Emotional maturity, also known as emotional intelligence, is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than their intelligence quotient, or IQ.
The emotionally immature person, has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the centre of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviours is telling you how emotionally immature they really are.
Attention-seeking behaviour is surprisingly common. Being the centre of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.
Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviours, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation to avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade accountability and sanction. Attention seeking methods Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit attention-seeking behaviour.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for Munchausen Syndrome (also know as Factitious Disorder). The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
The saviour: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be centre of attention by intentionally causing harm to others and then being their saviour, by saving their life, and by being such a caring, compassionate person. Few people realise the injury was deliberate. The MSBP mother or nurse may kill several babies before suspicions are aroused. When not in saviour mode, the saviour may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person or persons she is saving.
The rescuer:particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
The organiser: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organising everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. She is known for extravagent planning, making lists, keeping records, but in actuality does none of it very well in many instances. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the centre of attention.
The manipulator:she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favourite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimised, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.
The mind-poisoner:adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially against the current target.
The drama queen:every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the centre of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behaviour may also be present.
The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
The feigner:when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect. Feigning victimhood is a favourite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed - even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when held accountable for their actions.
The false confessor: this person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the media. Some individuals are know to the police as serial confessors. The false confessor is different from a person who make a false confession and admits to a crime of which they are accused because of emotional pressure and inappropriate interrogation tactics.
The abused:a person claims they are the victim of abuse, sexual abuse, rape etc as a way of gaining attention for themselves. Crimes like abuse and rape are difficult to prove at the best of times and their incidence is so common that it is easy to make a plausible claim as a way of gaining attention.
The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker.
The victim:she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, eg send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbour, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of "My Most Important Blog Ever: If this is you, PLEASE GET HELP"
Congratulations to my sister! She arrived in Sturgis, South Dakota, for the release of her book after riding her Harley all the way from Arkansas. She battled chemo sickness (her treatment for Lupus, which keeps her severely ill most of the time), horrendous storms, heat and exhaustion, and I'm so proud of her strength and determination. I hope you have the time of your life, Sis, and your book is already a success, so I know you'll have a great time. I'm so proud of all the things I've seen written about you by so many prominent authors and biker celebrities. You've done it. You had a dream and you've lived it, and I'm so happy for you. We love you!
I've been out of town this weekend, so I didn't have to drive to Cummins and cover the prison break story. Apparently, 'powers that be' had the bright idea to allow one of the jobs at the prison to be prisoners making guard uniforms.
I'm sure those that don't know about this can tell where it's going....because of this grand plan, two convicted murderers borrowed a couple of the uniforms and waltzed right out of the prison with the other guards during shift rotation to a car that was parked nearby, apparently waiting for their escape.
A possible sighting was reported in Missouri, and I certainly hope noone loses their life because the State of Arkansas could not foresee that a possible security breach was on the horizon when they allowed the same garments guards wear to actually be made by prisoners.
I'm just surprised it hasn't happened before now.
I wonder if another job in the prison is making keys for the gates.