Especially for my friend Dean...

Well, of COURSE I'm serious, Dean!!!

Here's your joke:

What do you call a Super Bowl ring worn by a New Orleans Saint?
~Stolen~

bwaaahahahaa

And, now for my most special story...
A few years ago, I met a guy that had a spade tat on his shoulder blade. I said "What's that?" He said 'The Saints Emblem.' I said, "OH! You're Catholic?"

Happy...

Happy Birthday to my friend Greg!

And....

Happy Birth to my friend KT who welcomed a beautiful baby girl in the world yesterday!

And....

Happy Anniversary to my parents and parents-in-laws!

And....

Happy Me cuz I know all these people!

25 Random Things

I was tagged, which means I have to write 25 random things about me...

1. My bostian terrier had a people toe.
2. I am hard of hearing.
3. I have so many stalkers they probably bump into each other in the bushes behind my house.
4. My favorite childhood toy was a bouncy ball until it was violated by my pet goat.
5. If there is an idiot anywhere in the world, they somehow find their way into my surroundings.
6. I think emo children are really, really sad.
7. I know where Possum Valley is, but I don't tell it.
8. The shoe department at Wal-Mart gives me bowel movement urges every time I go there.
9. I grew up in a body shop and have been married to a mechanic and racecar driver for ten years yet know jackdoodly about cars.
10. I don't think I've completely finished my laundry since some time in 1997.
11. I'd much rather travel by bubble.
12. I still miss my first editor all the time.
13. I lose my keys at least once daily.
14. I lose my cigarette lighter at least once hourly.
15. I went to the store yesterday wearing two different shoes.
16. I have a strong fondness for fishnets, Converses and Johnny Cash.
17. At least three of my immediate family members have been locked away for psychriatric evaluations and two got shock treatments. It didn't help em, though.
18. My uncle who thought he was Elvis isn't one of em.
19. I lied at Thanksgiving and everyone thinks I cooked something that my sister did just because I put coolwhip on it.
20. My sister once found a driver's license in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. It was mine.
21. I'm not allowed to watch Mommie Dearest.
22. I can't stand for people to touch my knees.
23. I think I suffer from Toxic Shock Syndrome at least once a month.
24. I forgot to pay my water bill again yesterday.
25. I was once talked into taking a bite of a honey bun dipped in sardines.

The Original Deck of Cards...

I was being all musical in my morning blog, then I checked my email and had a forward from my friend called 'Deck of Cards'...it was a story. Well, I found the original story (which YES does happen to be in my most awesome record collection!) on youtube and I think it's so much better hearing the great Red Sovine tell it....thanks. How did you know I was going to be all nostalgic today? LOL

i'ma try to put it over on the right because i dont know how to add it here. :)

DTF Agents confiscate seven grams of Ice methamphetamine in arrest of Drew County man

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Monticello District Judge set a Drew County man’s bond at $100,000 following his arrest Friday in connection with drug charges. James Kevin Dunnahoe, 44, of Drew County was arrested Friday by agents of the Tenth Drug Task Force following a traffic stop and is currently being held at the Drew County Detention Facility.

According to Lt. Jason Akers, Dunnahoe was stopped for traffic violations on Highway 138 near Winchester by agents and was found to have what is estimated to be several grams of 'Ice' methamphetamine in his pocket.

A search warrant for Dunnahoe’s residence at 131 Brixie Road, Monticello, was subsequently obtained, and agents, assisted by the Drew County Sheriff's Department and the McGehee Police Department, searched the residence and confiscated approximately seven grams of ice methamphetamine, in addition to an unspecified amount of marijuana, "a laser sighted handgun, a rifle and a shotgun,” Akers said, “in addition to baggies, scales and other paraphernalia” that were allegedly used to distribute the narcotics. Agents also seized more than $1,000 in currency from Dunnahoe at the time of his arrest, he said.

Dunnahoe was charged with three felonies, including possession of marijuana and methamphetamine with the intent to deliver, possession of drugs and a firearm, possession of drug paraphernalia, as well as driving left of center.

~Rainy Day Woman~

I HAVE to show ya'll one of my most favorite things EVER. It's my new record player, and I've been meaning to post it on myspace but haven't had time. I know it's a sin to desire Earthly things, but I have fullfledgedly DESIRED records for as long as I can remember.
Records?? Yup, music records. I have a thing for em. It's a big ol' long story, but I'll just skip ahead and tell ya the conclusion because I'm feeling extremely attention-deficit this morning...as you shall see (as a matter of fact, this is the first true 'rambling' that I've done publicly so it's a kind of a big deal...I usually only let my myspace besties see the extremes of my flightiness).

~The needle is making that lil thunk thunk...thunk thunk...sound because the chunky lady has sung!~

After years of desperate attempts at peeling away from my dearest mom's grasp one of the most awesome country, gospel and oldies record collections in HISTORY, in my opinion, she has finally gifted me with about half of em. They would prolly be worth about $15 at a garage sale, but they're priceless to me. I grew up on them and wore so many of them out, but lots of em are still shiny, great ones like Waylon Jennings, Johnny Horton, & I'll always luv my ol' Hank. :) ~I think I (finally) know what he meant when he sang about the Lost Highway...~

This morning, I woke up, and hoping just like the little wide-eyed eight-year-old beside me that school would get a snow day, I headed to one of the best Christmas gifts, besides my records, that I've ever in my life gotten....a Crossley vintage auto-rama record player/radio. It looks like it came straight from Graceland, or Jerry Lee Lewis' pink house, at the least. Thanks, again, Sis. I LOVE it!!! No snow day, though....it's just a rainy day. (Why, YES! That IS an allsusion to the Waylon Jennings song!)

I've been listening to the greatest songs ever this morning...they are playing one right after another, from Tom T. Hall's "I Love" (which is why I'm in this cheesy mood cuz it does that to me hahaa) to "Fancy Free" by the Oak Ridge Boys, and even a little Charley Pride. OH, and they just played "All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down." So true. So true. Thankfully.

I especially love KXSA 103.1 fm because listening to that station stirs my soul and reminds me of the years I've spent at my dad's body shop, ALL my hubby's shops, the race track, weekends and inside jokes with my besties, car trips with my sis, and a decade of listening to Larry Doggett predict the weather as I fried chicken and mashed taters at dinnertime for my hubby.


Larry Doggett, by the way, the longtime local dj for our little area, is a singer on one of my records. Ain't that neat? I worked with him when I did news a while back for the radio stations, and KNEW that I remembered him from somewhere but could never figure out why until my mom gave me the record collection a few weeks ago. His family traveled as a gospel group back in the day, and I even have one of THEIR records! He's my buddy, and I wish him well.


As I conclude, I realize that I MUST compile soon a list of my records so that ya'll can see how fabulous my collection is. It'll make ya just want to go out and drink some Jose Quervo with a lil salt and lime, kiss all the cowboys, and shoot out the lights...ohhh gotta go. "Common Man" by Conley is on and needs some lipsyncing....

~There's some common people that I hang out with....they're my good time buddies. They're my friends....-Conley~

True love and homegrown tomatoes

This blogpost may be copied with credit.

By Jayme Lawson

~True Love and Homegrown Tomatoes~

Dedicated to Angela and Jeremy, and everyone else in Warren, Arkansas....


If you have found yourself blessed enough to live in Bradley County:

Make sure you have plenty of bread and milk if the weather hints at ice ANYWHERE in Iowa, Texas, Missouri, Mississippi, Hawaii, Oklahoma, Minnesota or El Dorado, because all two grocery stores will be wiped out within an hour.

There are things in your wardrobe adorned with appliquéd tomatoes.

The remainder of your wardrobe which possesses not tomatoes shall be orange and black.

Those garments which are not orange and black should be fireproof and approved by a dirt track or race team.

Further, remaining garments must be camouflage or hunting orange, slightly brighter than Lumberjack shades.

You can no longer follow the yellow brick road because it’s red.

You have rescheduled a wedding, a funeral, or a root canal to coincide with high school football, especially the root canal because the dentist is going to be cooking hamburgers at the game.

The last person out of town really DOES turn the lights out during conference games.

You remember every Saturday morning not to sit in that one particular lil lady’s booth at Molly’s Diner, because she WILL yell at you ‘You’re sitting my booth!‘ The waitresses, apologetically to all parties involved, move whoever dared to post there. Thankfully, I never made that mistake. But I’ve seen three or four times the little lady wander off to talk to the other regulars then return to people at her table. The funny thing is she’ll just laugh and talk with you once you move, and she’s happily seated. I almost dropped my bacon the first time I heard her. I don’t know who she is, but don’t sit in her booth.


You know that Big Boy, Cherry and the Early Girls are not porn stars.

You eat mayo mater sandwiches in the summer and canned salsa in the winter.

You enter an Orb of Stupidity as you approach the four way stop next to the Dollar General and everyone’s commons sense goes out the window. Enter at your own risk. Further, you understand that between Sonic and KFC traffic rules do not apply.

You know not to talk on your cell phone in the gas station for fear of retribution from the phone Nazi (she's my friend and I told her about this already, so don't be offended).

If you want to go out for a real special dinner, you can have Chinese, Mexican, or Chinese.

You still go to the pink tomato festival hoping to find a chilled Bradley to cool you off, even when there haven't been any tomatoes there in 4 yrs counting.

You completely understand why they put a carnival at a tomato festival, but not at a fair. You try not to miss the carnies during the actual fair time when the powers that be don‘t schedule em to appear.

You have a bumper sticker on your van that says try using plastic toilet paper, log a load for kids, or support your dirt track racer.

You learn to keep your basset hounds closely guarded because there is a local long-eared bandit lurking about.

Your cell phone ring is "Home-Grown Tomatoes". What is ‘Homegrown Tomatoes”, you may ask? Well, it’s a song by John Denver and Guy Clark. Wanna hear it? Here it go:

Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden

Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one
Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes

You can go out to eat & that's for sure
But it's nothin' a homegrown tomato won't cure
Put `em in a salad, put `em in a stew
You can make your very own tomato juice
Eat `em with eggs, eat `em with gravy
Eat `em with beans, pinto or navy
Put `em on the site put `em in the middle
Put a homegrown tomato on a hotcake griddle

If I's to change this life I lead
I'd be Johnny Tomato Seed
`Cause I know what this country needs
Homegrown tomatoes in every yard you see
When I die don't bury me
In a box in a cemetary
Out in the garden would be much better
I could be pushin' up homegrown tomatoes




You pull over on the side of the highway out of respect for ragged pickups pulling trailers with bald tires stacked high with waxy cardboard boxes.

You do the same for log trucks.

A night on the town consists of driving to Wal-Mart over in Monticello followed by dinner at Taco Bell, or Wendy’s or Rays or Breaker…anything but McDonald’s or Sonic.

You make fun of people in Banks and Wilmar because you live in a way bigger place.
You quickly learn to lock your bicycle chains because of the notorious hustle gang that roams the streets.

You can pretend you’re vacationing in Tijuana the opening week of harvest.

Ninety-seven percent of the air you breathe is sawdust.

You try to guess the secret sound on the radio every morning while you brush your teeth.

There are more car washes than there are any other business in town.

You have seen more than once the guy with spinner hubcaps have to get out at the red light and start his spinners spinning again.

There’s nothing like Cash’s coffee and fresh morning air scented with diesel fumes.

You may have a next door neighbor who has been arrested for assault charges over getting in a scuffle over a 25 cent Nora Roberts novel at a garage sale.

There are more flea markets on the square than there are fleas on LULU the shop dog.

You cower in fear as Hoosier, the other local shop dog, stands over you with his big humungous slack jaws drooling dog slobber all over the fried bologna sandwich you got from Molly’s. But you love him anyways.

The sound of the tornado warnings grow more familiar than your spouse's voice.

Instead of cookies you leave Santa a helpin' of fried green tomatoes.

You get used to living in a town where the population is a citizen/cop one-to-one ratio.

You’ll realize the loud booming at noon on Friday is not a shoot out at Molly's, the equivalent to high noon at the OK Coral, but is just the weekly tornado warning yet again.

You still sigh in nostalgic wistfulness as you cross what used to be the big bridge.

You know the legend of the 20 point buck.

You spend the weekends between football season perfecting your ringers for the local horseshoe tournaments.

You known not to disturb anyone who has a dale Earnhardt flag on their porch during Sunday afternoons.

You know where Possum Valley is, but you don't tell anyone.

You would let a blind folded drunk edward scissorhands cut your hair before you would venture near that blonde at the yadda yadda hair salon.

You think the Mad Butcher is way better than the Piggly Wiggly.

You know the Family Dollar crackers taste better than the Dollar General crackers.

You have been to Spanky’s, but you don't admit it….unless you’ve been awarded the ‘I got spanked at Spanky’s’ teeshirt.

You know that Food Stamp racing isn't something that happens when they open the door of the Harvest Foods on the third.
Weddings still resemble the 1989 one in Steel Magnolias, including the shot gun, grumpy old women, ugly dogs and possum for dessert.

You have been snipe hunting ….and caught one.

You aren't shocked when your kid comes home and says someone called him a "punta".

You really wonder why there isn't a Taco Bell in warren.. I mean really.

Every time you go by the YMCA, you wanna sing ‘Hey, young man….come and listen to me….’

You’re tired of hearing Feliz Navidad in stores at Christmas time.

You have been naked at some point at Ozment’s Bluff.

You plan your swimming activities by how high the river is at the bridge. Similarly, you have submitted your urine sample as a donation during droughts to the Saline River.

People in Florida, California and Timbuktu email you on Facebook and want to know if you've ever been to the Pink Tomato Festival. Likewise, people in Georgia email you and want to trade peaches for maters.

You will always think the guy that sells 1999 Nike tennis shoes, fur rugs and Fubu suits by the motel is a little scary.

You know not to sit on in the last booth on the right side of Molly’s after church because there is a picture of a man’s butt that says ‘Say no to crack.‘ And speaking of Molly’s, when you haven’t been for a week, you start suffering from sign withdrawals.

The only biker gang in town is comprised of 14 year olds and steals schwinns and huffys.

Oh I just remembered…it’s probably not there anymore, but once when I went to the sno-cone stand, the summer town attaction, there was a chalk outline of a person in the parking space in between the sno-cone stand and courthouse, and a bunch of YMCA kids were trying to see how many could fit inside the body at once.

Who needs a Wal-Mart? We have a co-op.

The only season that outshines racing season is deer season.

You aren’t popular unless you spend New Year’s Day at Wilmar Hunting Club with their barbecued hog snacks wrapped in aluminum foil and strapped to the back of your four-wheeler, whilst out of 4,876 people, 4, 874 of ’em get stuck, lost or go a’swimmin in da crick.

You will become a master at rotating your daily wearing of FoodStamp racing, Arkansas Hogs, Budweiser & Mossy Oak caps almost as well as you rotate the tires on your skidder.

In conclusion, we love God, our families, our friends, tomatoes, and Wal-Mart even though they didn’t love us and put their store here instead.

We even love the Super Bowl, but we still just can’t understand why our beloved Lumberjacks hadn’t made it there yet.



~If you live in Warren, you understand the only two things that money can't buy...that's true love and homegrown tomatoes~